i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
