When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
