Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
