It's like God shit irony all over that family
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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