Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
