Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I have post one night stand depression
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
