Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
