I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
