I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
