he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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