Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize