Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
