Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
