I heard we made out
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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