so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
