there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
even my farts smell like vagina
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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