I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
