I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
