I smell stomach acid.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
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