Even the bartender felt bad for me
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
