Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize