I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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