you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
