She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
