So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
A+ Viking dick
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
