Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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