WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
