I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she woke up with a sticky ear
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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