Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
