My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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