On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
