you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
