dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Soap is not a condiment
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
