Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
