He asked me if I "almost moaned"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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