I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
