i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
