I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
