Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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