I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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