I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
