I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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