he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize