Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize