sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You brought string cheese to the strip club
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
