Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
