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I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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