i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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