I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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