Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
