god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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