ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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