I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
