Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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