you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
