when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
