dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
