I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize