I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
