nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
