There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize