currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
