so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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