The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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