therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
