Little spoons don't ask big questions
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize