You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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