My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize