It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
